Outsourced

New Blog

2006-08-13T16:14:00.000+02:00

Blogger started to piss me off a couple of months ago. After using all of Flickr Pro's easy-to-use customization tools, I didn't understand why Blogger hadn't done the same thing. I started exploring a bit, and found a new blog-hosting tool. The new Outsourced blog can be found here www.nickmoles.wordpress.com This old Blogger site should remain if anyone (read:me) needs to access the archives. All new posts will go to the new site.

bah

2006-08-11T13:28:00.000+02:00

So apparently there will be no more laptops, ipods or even magazines on those ten hour flights to the US. The overall effect of terrorism on me is to 1)make me bored on long flights, and 2) make me intensely dislike pakistan, saudi arabia, et al. The weirdest thing about this list of people is how young they are, most born after '80. Shouldn't they be chasing girls, drinking beer, and studying the history of ancient rome? Why are they trying to kill people? As a member of the over-liberalized generation of american schoolchildren, whose overall educational message was one of tolerance, it's strange to feel absolutely no empathy for these guys. none.

Mingling amongst the Magyars

2006-08-07T22:19:00.000+02:00

IMG_2875.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

Sometime around Tuesday, while staring blankly at a spreadsheet, I started contemplating what the weekend's activities would consist of. Drinking? probably. Traveling? maybe. Television viewing? absolutey.

But luckily Jana had a dynamite proposition. I could tag along on a business trip! By 'business trip', she meant free hotel room and expensed dinners, so I joined this escapade immediately.

The capital of the Magyars is a wonderful city, grander than Prague, more cosmopolitan than Krakow, and much less boring than Vienna. But I didn't do any sightseeing. I confined my activities to soaking on Budapest's baths (actually just one bath in Budapest...twice).

As a side, I visited the Hungarian town of Esztergom, where I walked around a cathedral for an hour. Or, as Jana vividly remembers, walked up about 1000 steps to the summit of the basilica, where we got an excellent view of the beautiful communist apartment blocks of Slovakia.

And then we went to the local baths.

Overall, an excellent weekend. Upgrated from just a good weekend by the fact that I didn't pay for three quarters of it.

As those wily magyars say, 'szia'

AWOL

2006-08-05T08:59:00.000+02:00

I'm in Budapest. Details to follow later...

Hiking in Nove Mesto

2006-08-02T23:19:00.000+02:00

IMG_2843.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

I posted a few pictures from the countryside near Jana's town.

Telc

2006-08-02T23:18:00.000+02:00

IMG_2755.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

Check out my pictures from the small South Bohemian town of Telc (pronounced 'Telch').

A conversation in the office

2006-08-02T15:06:00.000+02:00

Me: (searching kitchen for coffee bags) Some random Czech Guy: I don't think there are any more coffee bags Me: Hm... (continue searching) Czech Guy: Maybe you will have espresso (holds up espresso bag) Me: No thank you, I'm not Italian. Czech Guy: Yeah, this stuff makes you shake like an expensive dog Me: (nods in agreement)

Revelations

2006-07-26T21:15:00.000+02:00

Today I discovered BitTorrent HOLY SHIT

2006-07-21T17:59:00.000+02:00

Congratulations to Kyle on his last day of work. He can now look forward to group projects and asian chicks. in that order.

Jindrichuv Hradec

2006-07-11T22:50:00.000+02:00

IMG_2736.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

Jana and I spent the weekend in the small South Bohemian town of Jindrichuv Hradec. Follow the picture to my Flickr site.

Nick In Texas

2006-07-01T17:43:00.000+02:00

IMG_2684.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

I've posted all my pictures from Texas back at my flickr site. Just follow the picture above.

Photostream

2006-06-29T19:59:00.000+02:00

IMG_2672.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

Just loaded photos from my trip to Litomysl.

Stormy Weather

2006-06-27T20:04:00.000+02:00

IMG_2675.JPG
Originally uploaded by Nick Moles.

It's raining outside, so my running for the evening has been cancelled. In honor of crappy weather, I have posted some pictures from England at my Flickr site. Just go to this link

And yes, I do have a mySpace site now, mostly as an experiment. If you want to link to me I can be found here.

Flickr and Me

2006-06-27T11:58:00.000+02:00

New Folder (2)003
Originally uploaded by Jon Twichell.

I finally have a Flickr pro account, hopefully in the next few days I'll start uploading all my photos (of which I have over a thousand). While messing around on there I came across Jon's photos, and this particularly ridiculous entry. I thought I would post it for everyone to enjoy.

Les Blues a le Hangover

2006-06-26T14:03:00.000+02:00

On friday I joined my frog friends to witness France-Togo. I thought it was going to be some small gathering at the Rigegrovy Sady beergarden, with a bigscreen and relaxed vibe. Instead it was a bunch of crazy-ass french people in Zidane and Henri jerseys screaming and swearing in the most beautiful language in the world. I was pulling for Togo (after all, the US can't lose to a crappy African team while France wins!) but had to suffer the indignity of a French victory. But the french fans were unaccustomed to victory, and kept trying to surrender to passers-by. I was up for a nice relaxed evening of drinking beer under the trees, but my french friends had other ideas. Some of my colleagues were leaving the company, and there was the usual party to celebrate their impending freedom. Unfortunately no one knew where they were, so we milled about outside the beergarden for an hour, drinking beers and waiting for someone to get in contact with the proper authority. By this point the french were completely smashed (this being 11pm), and singing their songs aggressively at the confused czech women walking by. We also picked up some gigantic black frenchman named Jean-Paul who spent the next three hours laughing hysterically. He didn't speak english at all, but got around this by smiling and laughing with everyone. He was a big hit. After this we wandered off to the pub and joined a bunch of our colleagues. Beer, etc occured, nothing really notable. One of the female managers is leaving the company, and was aggressively hitting on most males in smelling distance. She was an absolute shark, and I was scared to look at her. I retired with my beer to the street, and drank in the relatively joyous company of the drunk french people. But this bar decided they had enough of us, and shut off the tap. After this we were off to Nebe. Nebe, for some reason, is one of the more frequent places that expats congregate. I know not why, as beer is small and expensive, and their dancefloor is about the size of a postage stamp. On the other hand, they have wide, long and comfortable couches that offer ample opportunity to drunkenly make out with the person of your choice. Some of our colleagues did so - myself and the french crowd surrounded them and applauded politely. Then D (32) introduced us to his mistress. We had a conversation like this: Me: Wait - is this your girlfriend? D: (In cheesy french accent) No, this is my lover! Me: ! D: She is a student. and (drawing close) she does some *ahem* softcore... Me: What?? D: And she's eighteen. Me: (Laughing Hysterically) She was all over D, trying to hug him and get his attention. But D seemed much more interested in hugging myself and Matthieu, and then singing French football songs. The mistress got frustrated and left, as D casually responded to our objections with 'been there, done that'. Dumbass. After this we headed off to Le Clan, which is some sort of 'chill out club'. I didn't know what a chill out club was, but apparently it's underground, doesn't open until 3am, and there's a lot of red. By this time I wasn't sure what was going on, so I can't really report what happened. Although I know I ended up at a table with 4 other guys, two of them gay, drinking beer at 5:30am. We stumbled into the 6am sunlight unhappily, our hangovers like stalking tigers. We wandered over to McD's and put down some big macs, then went home. I slept until 4, then went to get pancakes. I then got back into bed at 6 and slept until Sunday. Not a productive weekend, but nonetheless I had fun.

Flash to Trash

2006-06-23T17:12:00.000+02:00

Has it really come to this? Rural Texas is a hotbed for attractive chicks - walk into any sandwich shop in a burg in the sticks and you're likely to see some beautiful country girl. Blonde, slim, and wearing tiny denim shorts, these boondock bombshells captivated me as a teenager. And yet they were always with some fat, disgusting mom the size of a blue whale pup. Gradually I came to realize that they were the same species, except that the young girl was simply the first stage in the life cycle of white trash. After years of being dragged to church beauty pageants and cosmotology classes with their stepmothers, these young ladies rebel like crazy once they achieve adolescence. Poor grades, a waitressing job at Denny's, and a boyfriend driving an IROC-Z all contribute to her eventual downfall. But I had still never seen 'the missing link', where traces of a beautiful past are still evident under a pound of cosmetic crime. But now we have Britney Spears. i'm not sure who to thank for her parental escapades, her deadbeat boyfriend, or the constant stream of journalists who gleefuly chronicle this slow-motion descent into the trailer park. But this catastrophe can make us all feel a little bit better about ourselves.

Blogging

2006-06-16T16:46:00.000+02:00

Blogging will resume shortly...

England

2006-05-24T23:16:00.000+02:00

It's really cold and rainy here. 'Luckily' I've been stuck in training and have managed to see absolutely nothing. Although this evening myself, a frenchman, and an italian went to Windsor, saw the castle wall, had bad Thai food, and a few beers...and walked around in terrible, terrible weather. Strange country.

A telephone conversation with my girlfriend

2006-05-19T09:00:00.000+02:00

Jana: I had my hair done today. It's really dark now. Me: Is it your natural color? Jana: I don't know.

Uh-oh

2006-05-17T17:25:00.000+02:00

Here we go again...

Roman Catholics in the Indian city of Mumbai (Bombay) have received Muslim support in protests against the release of the movie, The Da Vinci Code

"Muslims in India will help their Christian brothers protest this attack on our common religious belief," he said. His stance was supported by Syed Noori, president of Mumbai-based Raza Academy, a Muslim cultural organisation that organises protests on issues concerning Islam. "If the government doesn't do anything, we will try our own ways of stopping the film from being shown," he said. "We are prepared for violent protests in India if needed."

The Da Vinci Code was a fairly stupid book. It was poorly written and researched, the characters had the personality of a cardboard box, and the revelations were mostly nonsense. It's pretty hardcore about the Church, basically saying it'll go as far as murder to keep religious secrets from escaping the vaults of history. But am I offended by the movie? Not really. If I was going to be offended by the movie I just wouldn't see it. In fact, it doesn't concern me at all. If people want to see something they should have the opportunity to see it. Is it a free speach issue? Yeah, and just because it offends people with the same religion as me doesn't mean I support shielding the content from everyone. And hey, if guys like Syed Noori ("We are prepared for violent protests") are on your side, you know you're definitely wrong.

Flatulence

2006-05-16T13:07:00.000+02:00

Kyle sent me a great article the other day about how scientists have developed a flatulence-free bean. It is good to see our scientists are focused on the great health and development problems of our day. My favorite part is the included quote:

Despite the obvious social concerns, there is no physiological harm from the flatulence caused by eating beans

That needs no further elaboration.

News

2006-05-09T21:30:00.000+02:00

Congratulations to my sister Amanda! She has apparently completed all her requirements to graduate from college. Hopefully she'll follow in her brother's footsteps and move to Eastern Europe. That reminds me: I will be in Austin from May 26th through June 11th. This is the last time I'll be in the US for at least a year, so get your Nick while you can!

Life in Prague

2006-05-03T16:30:00.000+02:00

There is an area right outside the cafeteria where everyone from my building goes to smoke. It's supposed to be part of the parking lot, but it is in fact strewen with large ash trays and office workers in search of something more interesting than the minutae of their lives - namely chatter and highly addictive carcinogens. My office, afflicted with both severe boredom and many italians, provides a large number of the idle laborers. In fact, almost all the senior management spends a nice chunk of time hanging out there. I, of course, am not a smoker but instead a drinker of beer, a liquid whose side effects include both numerous health benefits intermingled with copious application of fat to the stomach. It is normal in Prague to occasionally take a beer with lunch (by occasionally I mean every day) and I do partake. But today I saw something that even I have not done. As Matthieu and I returned from the pub we saw some of our coworkers milling about the smoking area. Matthieu was the first to notice that they had cans of beer. 'They must be taking them to the park' I responded. As we walked up they mentioned they were planning on going to the park with their beer and sandwiches. And then, inexplicably, they started drinking their beers. During luch, right outside the building, in the smoking area where all our managers hang around. I'm still somewhat amazed by their nonchalance. But, as you might imagine, I think it's great. I mean, smokers get to take countless breaks to suck their cancer sticks. Why shouldn't I have 2 or 3 beer breaks during the day? I think I've been in this country too long...

Hangover

2006-04-29T15:15:00.000+02:00

I'm pretty damn hung over. We had a party last night, and I consumed an unknown amount of beer. Now it's 3:15 on saturday afternoon and i'm in bed with my window shade down, complaining on this blog. Matthieu passed out in the bathtub, but apparently he's okay to go to the pub right now. I, on the other hand, can't move. I'm seriously contemplating cooking an old can of baked beans. Damn you, hangover. Damn you.

NFL Draft

2006-04-29T15:11:00.000+02:00

The Houston Texans have gone ahead and cemented their suckiness by passing on both Vince Young and Reggie Bush and taking some defensive back. Houston fans, of which I am now definitely not amongst, should become angry and riot or something. This is unprecedented stupidity on the part of an organization. It's like they were searching for the most potent way of alienating their fan base. Well done, retards. well done.

Cheers, mate

2006-04-21T16:56:00.000+02:00

"Cheers" is a salute that is properly used when two beer glasses are brought together prior to consumption. I don't use the term anymore, as I have transitioned over to the czech 'nazdravi'. The British people at my office use cheers for a variety of words, for example and Irish guy just said "Cheers" to me as I held open the door to the elevator for him. People use "Cheers, mate" as both hello and goodbye, like the english redneck version of 'ciao'. I don't really have a point, except to say that they're not really speaking English any more in those rainy, soggy, royalty-infested islands. Long live Pax Americana.

Ahoj, neighbor

2006-04-19T21:41:00.000+02:00

With great joy, i announce i have become an internet pirate. No, I don't surf these chaotic waters in search of gold and plunder. Instead I am like a seventeenth century peasant, without the basic human necessity of internet access in my home. The lack of such a service is due to the fact that myself and my frog roommate didn't have any money until January, and we don't feel like paying for it now. We are denizens of the internet cafe, or even better, the internet pub, where internet surfing is accompanied by gentle inebriation. What joy. But last night the frog started croaking about wifi signal. i had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, because his english is a failed attempt to eat a hot potato. But 'wifisignal' is the same in every language, so i immediately grabbed the imac and started roaming about the flat in search of signal. in my room it was but a suggestion of a memory of hours spent researching the political structure of turkmenistan. but in the kitchen a rich bounty of electronic goodness abounded, and i finally checked my email at the flat. and so i am here now, blogging with about the same signal that i had in that bathroom in amsterdam. but i am connected, and slightly inebriated as well. Yes, lent has passed, trees are blooming, and the beergardens are open. no one cares that it's 55 or 60 degrees and you have to wear a coat while drinking your beer. it's not snowing and things are turning green, so it's time to join friends and comrades in a round of beer. cheers.

In Praise of Boredom

2006-04-18T17:20:00.000+02:00

I came across this gem of an article while embarking on my usual internet quest during a slow afternoon...

These are tough times for boredom. Television stalks us everywhere, from SUV back seats to elevators. We squander hours online, plunging through Internet wormholes. (Recently, I found myself at the website of the Argentine Air Force and suddenly wondered, like an awakening drunk, how did I get here? In slow moments at work, I don't lean back and contemplate the Big Picture; I check in on Gawker.) We burn time trading moronic instant messages and emails; one friend regularly sends me links to stories about misbehaving chimps. And, now, the proliferation of handheld diversions--the BlackBerry, the video iPod--is dealing a death blow to the idle moment. Especially in Washington, it has become permissible to check one's BlackBerry mid-conversation. And, just between us, I may once have glanced at mine at a urinal.

"Not Only In France"

2006-04-18T14:12:00.000+02:00

My frog roommate forwarded an email to me with the above caption, in relation to an email going around the company stating that our Bangalore offices are closed. Why would they be closed? Riotiong, of course. And why are people rioting? Religious fundamentalism? Anti-government democracy movement? No, of course not.

An icon of south Indian cinema and star of more than 200 films, Rajkumar, died on Wednesday, sparking widespread violence as distraught fans torched buses and ripped hoardings in the country's hi-tech hub.

Um...

Actors in the southern Indian film industry are often revered with as much intensity as the gods they regularly portray on screen. Many people include icons of their favorite star in their household shrine, alongside portrayals of the more usual Hindu pantheon.

Okay, well this might be the best argument against polytheism that I've heard in a while. Kyle really liked this part:

Rajkumar, sometimes called the John Wayne of the regional Kannada-language film industry, was kidnapped in 2000 along with four members of his family in the neighboring state of Tamil Nadu...He spent 108 days in the jungle bordering the two states before police negotiated his release. Veerappan was shot dead in 2004.

These Indians..with their obsession with these crazy filmstars, can they ever join the ranks of the modern, civilized western world? Can they ever become like us?

TOM Cruise yesterday revealed his latest bizarre mission..to eat his new baby's placenta. Cruise vowed he would tuck in straight after girlfriend Katie Holmes gives birth, saying he thought it would be "very nutritious".

(Sigh)...

Easter

2006-04-16T13:03:00.000+02:00

Happy Easter everyone! My holiday will be spent hanging around with the gf, cooking, and reading "The decline and fall". I had considered mass this morning, but decided that spending 2 hours listening to an Easter mass in Czech would probably be more of a liability for my faith. Sloth and relaxation will take prevalence, accompanied by some homemade goulash. I will also be leaving out some of the more amusing aspects of the czech holiday. As is custom in this country, the men go around and whip women with willow branches. The women then give a painted egg, or even better, a shot of vodka. In theory it sounds fantastic, but in practice it is actually just a bunch of drunk guys hitting girls with sticks. Generally ignored in the cities, I'm happy that Jana's town is too big to celebrate with the same ferocity that the isolated burgs of the czech countryside partake. And finally, I must elaborate upon my exile from beer. Well, perhaps elaboration is unnecessary. I haven't had beer since sometime in the 1880's, and my body is definitely feeling it. Reinvigorated, slim, lithe and powerful, this temple of the mind has not been defiled with the golden brew in so long that it is losing itself to the decadence of asceticism. But Bacchus had returned, and his multitudes will flow with vengeance. In other words, I'll have a beer with my goulash. Happy Easter!

Revelations and Apocrypha

2006-04-12T10:56:00.000+02:00

I’ve decided that there are three phases in life: Childhood, Adolescence, and Adulthood. In childhood your parents tell you what to do. In adulthood you tell your children what to do. And in adolescence you don’t tell your parents what you do. --- Anyway I struck a blow against adolescence when I finally managed to go to the gym this morning. I woke up at 6:30 and accomplished a nourishing and invigorating bout of self-flagellation with a bar and two weights. This is a final, clean break with my old college lifestyle (wake up late, do something, then insert beer) which had persisted through my first job. Will this begin Nick's ascendence into adulthood? probably not...but at least it'll keep my beer belly in check.

This seems to be going around like an STD

2006-04-10T12:05:00.000+02:00

Nothing of note

2006-03-31T18:22:00.000+02:00

This blog is primarily a description of my life in Prague, and a travelogue of my expeditions across eastern europe. Blogging has been pathetic of late. This is due both to the lack of travel, and the lack of interesting things happening to me. I had originally moved to Bohemia to avoid becoming another corporate drone, endlessly sitting through teleconferences and sending spreadsheets to the netherrealm of 'management review'. And, of course, I've arrived in such an environment. There are only two interesting items. 1) The other day I saw a guy walking a ferret. 2) One of my colleagues emailed some hardcore gay porn to a company director. I could comment on both of these, but I think they stand well on their own. --- Oh, and i haven't had a beer in a month. That's pretty fucked up.

Seasons changing

2006-03-27T16:23:00.000+02:00

Ciao, winter! As I annoyingly kept saying in czech over the weekend, "Nemam rad dlouhou zimu", which translates as "I don't like long winters." This might be obvious, but as one of the few things I can actually say in czech, it works well as a conversation starter. Last week I had the feeling that a bear has the right idea - as autumn arrives he gorges on honey and fish, occasionally roughousing with some nomadic male invading on his territory. Hopefully he mates, then contentedly he curls up in a furry ball for the duration of the winter. After a nice nap, and covered in several months of urine, he emerges, bathes, and starts trying to mate again. Our animal friends have much to teach us. I, on the other hand, was trudging through snowdrifts in loafers, searing profusely and talking to myself, God, or whoever, commenting upon how crappy everything seemed. But as I laid about in Nove Mesto, it started to rain. No snow - actual unfrozen rain. Some of the 10-foot high snowdrifts made their way down to about 8 feet. And all across the countryside, still hibernating under a blanket of snow, steam rose off the icy covering, giving a weird foggy quality to the train ride back to Prague. And finally - a sunset! All winter the sky is monochrome - gray during the day, black at night. But last night on the train there was an honest to God sunset - purple sky, red blazing sun, complete with swirls of clouds and stars all around. The czech people in my compartment went crazy, pointing and moving around the train to keep an eye on the thing. Now it's 70 degrees outside. Absolutely positively preposterous. There's gotta be mass flooding in the countryside - I mean it was freezing 2 days ago. And it had been freezing for 5 months. Now it's 70. Trees have buds. I have sanity again. And soon there will be beergardens. April 16th is Easter, and I will once more partake in that golden brew. As Ben Franklin once said "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." Amen

Overreaction

2006-03-27T10:44:00.000+02:00

My colleague and I moved away from the computer as I pressed 'OK'. Nothing happened, I was a bit disappointed.

bah

2006-03-23T10:06:00.000+01:00

There are several reasons blogging has been poor: 1) My girlfriend tore up her knee while skiing last weekend. She was going down a blue slope (blue being the easiest) when some german guy, who obviously couldn't ski, crashed into her. Walking is out of the question, and she's now staying with her parents until she can take care of herself again. It really sucks 2) My job takes up a lot of time. I worked 12 hours yesterday 3) I'm taking a czech class right now - 1 month long, 7 hours a week. No time for anything else.

Global warming

2006-03-15T09:36:00.000+01:00

It's cold as shit here. About a week ago it seemed as though spring had begun its inexorable march, with temperatures reaching the balmy 40's, accompanied by some spring showers and singing birds. Then I awoke on Sunday morning to find the place blanketed with snow. again. In the middle of march, damn it. Apparently global warmiming is going to make Europe colder. Now this continent is sometimes ass-backwards, but even this seemed unbelievable. But apparently Europe is kept unnaturally warm due to the effects of the Gulf Stream, which move tropical water directly from the equator up to the west coast of europe. Global warming has a good chance of shutting this down. So Toronto is going to get hotter, and London will be colder. I have also read the argument that most people don't give a shit about global warming because Humans are essentially a tropical animal - we like the heat. Has anyone noticed that the Europeans are really the only ones shouting about climate change? Did I just blow your mind or what? Anyway, some links: 1) The world history blog: I love this site. 2) Kingsley Amis, Man of Drink: From Modern Drunkard magazine. Wow. 3) Woman gets beer from kitchen faucet: We can all dream 4) Some pictures of Rome: 'Cause who can get enough? (Note: I didn't take these, just found them.) 5) Sidewalk art: This is how it's done. 6) Chongquing, China: This city in China already has 32 million people and takes up more land than Belgium. That's nuts.

St. Patrick saves the day

2006-03-10T18:42:00.000+01:00

I recall that there was a book published a few years ago titled "How the Irish Saved Civilization". This post is not about that. As previously mentioned on this illustrious blog, I have given up beer for Lent. I'm not entirely sure that this bit of self-flagellation is bringing me any closer to Our Lord and Saviour, but I've held myself together so far, and have no intention of giving in. My Irish colleague, Aidan, just came by to discuss plans for Saint Patrick's Day. Aidan and I, along with our Scottish colleague Craig and a few others, celebrated last year's Saint's day with such religious fervor that your average bearded fundamentalist would be proud. But, with my fasting going strong, I had to decline Aidan's invitation for an encore. The Irishman would have none of that. He told me that it's 'perfectly acceptable' for the average denizen of the emerald isle to break their fast for Saint Patrick's day. As a descendant of intrepid Irish settlers to the new world, I am expected to hold true to the beliefs and traditions of my ancestors. Furthermore, St. Patrick's is a religious festival in which consumption of beer is another way of bringing Man and God into spiritual union. Thank you Aidan, ancestors, and brewers. And thank you, Saint Patrick. Thank God for the Irish.

Harry Potter and the Cause of Insomnia

2006-03-09T16:53:00.000+01:00

My first encounter with the Potter franchise came with an afternoon rerun of "Sorcerer's Stone" on HBO. I was decidedly unimpressed. It was like a crappy knock-off kids version of Lord of the Rings. And it was directed by the guy that made Macauley Culkin a superstar - an ominous sign for the future of any actor or franchise. I saw "Chamber of Secrets" in a similar manner, and found it to be much better - but still a children's fable of precocious youth foiling a silly plot. After that I moved to europe and drank a lot of beer, generally forgetting about the whole thing. But my friend Michal told me the books were really good, so I read the first two and was impressed. They were childrens books...but entertaining and fun and much better than the movies. After this I went back for my summer of sloth, and I saw "Prisoner of Azkaban". I was amazed - what a fantastic movie. It was so far beyond the first two that I was unable to compare - it was like the boring girl at the office who suddenly gets a makeover and starts wearing shirts two sizes too small - in a good way, of course. I loved it. But then I kinda forgot about that too... Then this winter I saw "Goblet of Fire", which was improbably better than the last. My gf then started to read the books, finally having read 'The half-blood prince' just a few days ago. She convinced me to give the books another go, and I picked up 'Prisoner of Azkaban' at JFK on my way back from training a few weeks ago. And now I can't sleep or work very effectively, because I'm so excited to get back and read these damn books. i'm currently on "order of the phoenix", which doesn't have all that much action. But the characters are so great, the plot so intricate and exciting, that I really can't tear myself away. I am ashamed to say that I made fun of my friends (Dana, specifically) whenever I saw one reading these damn kids books. But now I understand. I actually see people reading the Potter books on the metro several times a week. I've been recommending them to everyone I can, but they laugh and say they're not going to read kids books. Well let me tell you: if you get through the third book and then are able physically stop yourself from running to the nearest bookstore for 'Goblet of Fire', I pity you, you heartless bastard. Probably the most enjoyable book discovery since I found out "Master and Commander" was fucking awesome. So what are you waiting for? Join the kindergarten and read "Harry Potter"

Et cetera

2006-03-09T16:16:00.000+01:00

I've decided my blog should be more of a travelogue/beerlogue than anything else. This presents a problem for now, as I have not gone anywhere in a long time, and am getting cabin fever (i'm tired of being in the same place). Also, I've given up beer for Lent - a full week now I've been sans pivo. It's an enlightening experience. pity me.

The Ides of March

2006-03-07T18:53:00.000+01:00

I hate winter. And apparently there is a band called "belle and sebastian" that I hate even though I only heard their song once, while inebriated. Damn it, where's spring?

test

2006-02-27T13:26:00.000+01:00

a test...

Working Abroad

2006-02-26T14:45:00.000+01:00

Check out the above article. It's about young Americans who move abroad for work, which is obviously an interesting subject for me. A few quotes I like: 1)"According to one estimate, 35,000 young Americans realize that working abroad, whether teaching, bartending, taking care of children, typing or picking grapes, has moved well beyond just trust-fund children. Far from being career suicide, it can actually provide a professional boost." Yeah, and about 1,000 of them have to be in Prague teaching english. And 50% of these are here because beer is cheaper in Prague than it is in Kansas City. 2) "Many aspiring expatriates live at home and work a few months to save money before they leave. " I left immediately after school, then came home and bummed around my parents house for two months, which mostly consisted of me laying by their pool. But that's okay because I left before they yelled at me to get the hell out. 3) "Many travelers depart not knowing how they will earn a living once they hit the ground. With hustle, they often find employment before the jet lag wanes (to the relief of worried parents), according to some who have taken the plunge. Those working legally tend to earn more, but their stays have a set duration — generally, four months to three years, depending on the country or program. People working illegally may earn less but can slip under the radar and stay in a country longer. A word of warning: that can result in deportation in extreme circumstances." I had no idea. I had some interviews, but then ended up drinking a lot of beer and feeling sorry for myself. I also had the unpleasant experience of receiving a letter in the mail that told me I had to leave the country within 30 days. What I love about the Czech republic is that I can totally ignore this. This place is so awesome. 4) ""Admittedly, it is a way to goof off and have a good time in a foreign country," he said, but he added that "having international experience under your belt — employers are enthusiastic."" Goofing around? I know nothing about this. As a high-flying Financial Analyst for an American multinational, I have long forgotten the meaning of fun. 5) "Foreign experience demonstrates entrepreneurship, resourcefulness and independence, according to recruiters. Rosalind Clay Carter, senior vice president for human resources at A&E Television Networks, said people who work and support themselves overseas tend to be inquisitive, flexible and adaptive — valuable skills in today's workplace." I have focused all my flexability and adaptivity on making sure I never pay more than a dollar for beer. And of this I can be proud.

New York, NY

2006-02-21T19:51:00.000+01:00

New York was fine. I spent two days on Long Island, becoming acquainted with a number of colleagues whom I will never see again. On thursday we visited another site in Connecticut, which involved a fun ferry ride over near New Haven. The northeast is really weird, I must say. On Friday night I went out to NYC to visit my old Prague school buddies, Brian and Paul. I met Brian on the 8th floor of the Mariott hotel on Times square, where we drank beers and watched new york prepare for its evening decadence. the fact that i considered my 6 doller beer cheap just shows how depraved i had become. The evening was predictibly beer hazed, with myself and Brian finding our way through a vast array of Midtown and East Village booze haunts. We had quite a good time, and retired with a hot dog that resembled a budding religious movement, topped off with a six pack of Dos Equis. No complaints there. Saturday Brian accompanied me to the Apple store, where I purchased a small gift for my gf. That place is bizzare, by the way. They have this small auditorium set up so people can learn how to use their Mac. Brian claims the place is a notorious singles hangout, and I could understand why. That place was sexy, and the people there were feedin' off those vibes. Normally i wouldn't write such a dubious statement, but just go there and try to disagree. Just try. Oh, and saturday was topped off with the flight overseas and back to my normal booze-dens of prague. good to be home.

Spanish guy

2006-02-19T15:22:00.000+01:00

There's an extremely loud spanish guy at the internet cafe right now. He's been talking on his phone for like 45 minutes. He laughs a lot, and generally seems to be organizing some sort of gay orgy. More power to him on that one, but I just wish he wouldn't do it, loudly, at the internet cafe. I'm trying to read about Nick and Jessica, and he's distracting me with his preposterous spanish words.

effigies and olive trees

2006-02-19T13:45:00.000+01:00

Several people have asked me what my opinion is on the whole Mohammed cartoon 'controversy'. My consistent response: 'It's Stupid'. I really don't feel like i need to go into much more detail. But my friends have taken issue with my brevity, so I might as well give my full perspective. I thought the cartoons were funny, especially the one with Mohammed telling the suicide bombers that they've run out of virgins. The one that has pissed off everyone seems to be the one of Mo with a bomb for a turban. Considering how many moslem groups seem to use bombs as their primary religious message, this also seemed fairly amusing to me. I was heartened to see several european papers publish the cartoons in the face of calls for self-censorship. People should be able to see what is driving the protests. The response of the moslem world has been predictibly childish. I totally endorse their right to protest, I just prefer they won't go on rampages, burn down embassies and start some fun little pogroms against any local religious minorities. At this point, hasn't every single person in the Western world been burned as an effigy on the streets of Karachi. And furthermore, what are people in Karachi doing when they're not burning effigies? Do they just go to school and stockpile supplies of paper-mache american politicians? Are their vast factories producing as many foreign flags as possible? And where are the women? They never seem to be involved in this. The beard and blanket crowd seems like a lot of underemployed, immature and uneducated young men who, without the outlets of sex and beer, have decided that rioting is some good, clean, religiously endosed fun. I believe it is my right to say anything about anyone else's beliefs that I deem necessary. I don't particularly care for this Mohammed character, and Islam is not on the top of my philosophical study list. But this doesn't change the fact that I like and respect a number of Moslems as individuals, and my views on their religious beliefs don't influence the friendship and respect that I have for them as human beings. I was watching the news today, and apparently one of the afforementioned rampaging mobs attacked the US embassy. I was watching, thinking maybe the New York Times had grown some balls and actually published the cartoons. I burst out laughing when I found out the supreme court has a picture of Mohammed on it. There is a stone relief of historical law-givers, and Mo was thrown up, ironically between Justinian and Charlemagne. I was similarly amused with the Italian Prime Minister compared himself favorably with Jesus last week. I find this all very amusing, and just have no idea what the hell everyone's problem is. There is a name for laws that prohibit saying bad things about religion. It's called theocracy. Such a government results in enjoyable persuits like the Inquisition, one of the finer moments of my particular religious sect. I propose a deal with the Moslem world: if you want to protest and burn and pogrom to your hearts content, we get to do it too. I've always wanted to lead a mob on some esoteric rampage against dollar stores, or thai massage parlors. Or we could all agree that we can say whatever we want, as long as no one is physically injured. Your choice. Update: Check out the supreme court thing here: www.supremecourtus.gov/about/north&southwalls.pdf. Also I have put a picture of that depiction upon the website. I hope I don't get fatwaed.

Long Island

2006-02-15T02:58:00.000+01:00

For some reason I'm in Long Island. A Guyanese guy drove me here, and told me that the most important thing in life is a woman who can cook and clean. Of course he was some 50 year old guy driving a cab. I'm not sure what this all means.

A Muse and his Maker.

2006-02-07T17:48:00.000+01:00

Hoping to catch the latest episode of ‘Pimp My Ride’, I casually turned the tube to MTV the other day. Unfortunately they were playing music videos (they do that in Europe). I watched for a few minutes, and a new song came on by the name of ‘Hysteria’, by some group called ‘Muse’. In short, it rocked. I discussed this ‘new’ band called ‘Muse’ with some of my co-workers, and were disappointed to find out they all know about the group, and my frog roommate even has their CD. It’s been a long time since I discovered a new band I liked. I’ve recently been listening to my old Weezer and Radiohead CD’s, which are absolutely fantastic. But both bands recent efforts have dissappointed. Weezer has become a bit too kitsch, and the Radiohead guys have gone completely insane. Their recent musical efforts have consisted of high-pitched whines mixed with dissonant chords and a drum machine. I have no idea what’s happening there. Muse sounds a lot like a non-kitsch Weezer mixed with a sane (but not sober) Radiohead. I’ve been enjoying their music at work, listening on www.radioblogclub.com, a sort of online radio, with crappy quality but sans annoying dj’s. I just hope they avoid thinking they’re some sort of musical genius and end up recording an album consisting of them hitting a bongo for 76 minutes while on mushrooms. That would suck. I do have a pet theory that all musical geniuses eventually go insane. Look at Beethoven, Radiohead, even Whitney Houston. And if you're 60 and still playing well, you're not that great: i.e. The Rolling Stones. But the greatest musical genius turned future inmate of some institution is, of course, the King of Pop. Michael Jackson has been rumored to be planning an album of songs based on the prayers of the late Pope, JP the Deuce. His 'publicists' deny this of course, but the more Michael Jackson goes insane the more likely something like this is to happen. William Shatner did something similar, and everyone loved it. Everyone is much less critical of the fact that William Shatner is completely insane. Maybe it's because he's white and Mike is black. Or white. Michal Jackson, deciding that becoming a white woman wasn't enough of a challenge, has decided to become a submissive Muslim woman. Michael's transformation, from black man -> > white man -> white woman -> space alien -> muslim mother has been nothing short of amazing. I can't wait to see what happens next.

A difficult job

2006-02-03T18:30:00.000+01:00

I have discovered a totally novel phenomenon in my new position: fatigue. Last evening my old boss took myself and my colleague Pavol out for dinner and a drink. At least that was the plan. Around 10 he started ordering shots of slivovice and things became hazy. Needless to say it was hard to reconcile my new hours (starting at 9am) with my usual drinking habits. This has coincided with my becoming quite busy due to the new position, training/learning and new responsibilities. Basically it’s Friday afternoon and I’m tired as shit. I’m happy though as I find my new job quite interesting and challenging. I am learning a lot of interesting systems and complex excel modeling formulas, which is a definite advantage. I’m not such a fan of my new addiction to a cup of coffee in the morning. And I don’t care for the alarm clock in the morning. One nice thing about working the afternoon shift is the ability to sleep until you wake up. Never had to worry about showing up late to work…it’s pretty damn hard to sleep past one (at least for me, as opposed to my nocturnal sibling). Update on NYC: I will be in the city from around 6 or 7 in the evening on Friday the 17th, leaving for prague at 6pm on Saturday the 18th. I have to be back at work on Monday, as my boss will be flying from the US to Prague. So for all my friends in the City (and those not too lazy to fly from the great white north), come and share a beer with me to celebrate my new job.

Finally!

2006-02-01T18:15:00.000+01:00

I apologize for my lack of blogging over the last few weeks - I've been training my (2) replacements, and one of them started using my computer, depriving me of a blog delivery method. But last night I finally transitioned over to my new position, so I am officially a Financial Analyst. I get (1) Higher Salary, (2) Work Laptop, and (3) Training in New York. Yes - For all my NYC readers (Brian, Paul, Keija), I should be in the city on Friday the 17th. Brian - Can I crash on your couch? Please? Although this is not yet final, I'm still waiting to see some flight prices and such. More updates tomorrow.

A response to Kyle

2006-01-31T20:46:00.000+01:00

Hey look! my crappy guest-blogger finally showed up eight months late. and he only comes to complain about my lack of blogging. how ironic. anyway yes, i have started my new job. but for the past two weeks i've been training two replacements, and have not had access to a computer. this has coincided with the closure of the crappy internet pub. my apologies. blogging will resume shortly.

NOTICE TO OUR READERS

2006-01-31T20:28:00.000+01:00

Attention: Nick is too busy with his stupid new job to post any blogs. Please check back in 2007. Hatemail can be sent directly to (removed so I don't get several million pounds of spam in my work inbox). Thanks, The distinguished members of ihatenickmoles.com

An email conversation

2006-01-20T18:16:00.000+01:00

An email conversation between myself and Sarah Sarah: so maybe facebook is blocked 'cause its a 'dating site', but you can still get on MySpace, right??? Me: nope. what is myspace anyway? Sarah: its fun! but kinda complicated... you can have a blog there... put picts up, little blurbs... find people... i foudn so many people from high school... could u use my link to see mine? Me: nope. 'dating'. and i don't want to see or know about any people from high school. Sarah: its fun to see who got fat. who got bald. who got gay... Me: i like when people get gay. it's always the same conversation: Person a: Hey guess what! Person b: What? Person a: Person X is gay now! Person b: Seriously? Person a: Really! I heard it from Person K Person b: Wow. That's weird. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But just weird. Didn't he hook up with Person W in High School? Person a: Yup. But now he's dating a guy from Alaska. Person b: Wow. Never saw that coming. Sarah: yep! its the best... this is the conversation i had with a girl, annie, who i went to middle and high school and worked with in the shoe department of nordsrams: [Sarah]:Are you still in touch with anyone from Westlake? Annie: Yep, Misti. She's got a kid [Sarah]: woah Annie: yeah, the fat cow finally got laid... speaking of fat cow, tessa's got 2 [Sarah]: I thought tessa was gay Annie: she still is, but she's got two girls and is living with her boyfriend [Sarah]: what? Annie: i don't know...

Does it come with potatos?

2006-01-17T19:57:00.000+01:00

The lack of Prague – related posting lately can be attributed to my complete unenjoyment of the city during the dismal mitteleuropan winter. Living in an icebox may be fine for a dead cow, but is quite unpleasant for a poor, shivering Texan. Today’s weather featured gray skies, accompanied with some icy snow. The last few weeks have featured almost no precipitation, meaning the sidewalks were bare except for a few dog-shit infested piles of ice. I’ve enjoyed hopping over the frozen trails of dog piss, which are like little white snakes on an obstacle course. Fun! Something interesting did happen yesterday, though. On the way to work I stopped at the Novy Smichov mall to check out the food court and see if something looked edible. I spotted a new stall called ‘Marmara’, which implied western Turkish food, as the Sea of Marmara is the body of water between the Black Sea and the Med. Turkish food, much like the 2006 National Champion Texas Longhorns: Fantastic. As I arrived at the counter I was disappointed to see their only turkish offerings were Veal and Chicken Kebabs. There seemed to be some sort of broccoli covered in cheese and various other crappy-looking Czech dishes that didn’t look appealing at all. But the biggest problem was the lack of Turkish people behind the counter. I was very suspicious after noticing this omission of Anatolian goodness. With Mexican food, I try to avoid purchasing anything unless the cook is still wet from the Rio Grande. My service at the “Marmara” restaurant consisted of some old Czech woman who looked as though she hadn’t been employed in a long, long time. I ordered my lamb kebab and watched as she placed some crappy looking meat in some panini bread. After slopping some vegetables into the ‘sandwich’, she decided the ‘kebab’ wouldn’t actually fit in the nice paper wrapper, and promptly dumped the thing onto a plate fresh from IKEA. She stared at her creation with dismay, and resignedly sighed as she handed the pile to this poor foreigner. She wouldn’t make eye contact as she took my money. The lesson, as always, is that Czechs with vegetables should not be trusted. That is all.

Crap, i forgot a resolution

2006-01-15T20:25:00.000+01:00

7) Learn czech and stop being a lazy bastard.

New Years Resolutions

2006-01-15T20:08:00.000+01:00

I recently reflected upon the opportunities of improvement for myself during this fresh year of 2006. Shall I promise myself longer showers? Better footwear? Improved cognitive abilities? A total refurbishment of my dietary habits that could potentially lead to a more pleasant fragrance emitted from this body I call home? No, probably not. but I came up with a few: 1) Better diet. 2005 saw me wallowing in my own impending czechdom - glorious and repeated meals of schnitzel and potatoes, multiple beers, copious servings of sleep that led to a pink, round, and slothful nickmoles. No longer! I have pledged fealty to the ultimate american failure: The Diet. No more breaded and fried - only raw and tasteless for me. I haven't had schnitzel in weeks. The all-night pizza joint one block from my front door has only been visited a handful of times. The other day I arrived home late from work, ravenous and salivating. Yet I managed self-control in front of my meager food supply - I ended up eating a can of corn. And I even chewed it, as opposed to inhilation. This, my friends, is definitely an improvement. I know that my battle against my beer belly will end in glorious failure - but it will be grand and valiant and, most of all, documented online. For the internet is the epitaph of all faded glory and celebrity avoided. stay tuned. 2) Exercise - At least 4 times a week. And not just muscling up - real improvements in endurance and health. After two weeks of running I've already ended up with shin-splints. So we'll see how that goes. 3) More efficient internet-surfing - No more flipping through sites 5 times a day in a vain search for a new article posted during the last long, boring bout of working. More efficiency! Check my favorite 40 sites only 2-3 times a day! And, since football season is over, this will be easy enough. By August I'll have forgotten these resolutions anyway, so I won't feel bad when I read 10 articles a day about the 2006 National Champion Texas Longhorns. And I'll delete this post so no one can go back and cite it... 4) No more tearing corners off of my papers, then rolling them around underneath my fingernails. Those of you who have seen me in person (meaing all 3 of you who read this website) know exactly what i'm talking about. 5) I will resolve my stomach problem - I have an on again/off again relationship with my stomach. Bach in Summer 04 I was diagnosed with H. Pylori, a nasty little bug that causes ulcers. Since then I've had 3 antibiotic treatments that have almost fixed me all up. But some symptoms persist, most of which are unpleasant to discuss. My doctor is a bit zonked out - he must be self-medicating a bit. So i resolve to stop being lazy and actually find a new doctor and get this taken care of. there. i said it. 6) I resolve to not have too many resolutions - because this is enough. some people seem to put together a list of 25 things to turn themselves into a shoe-in to become the right hand of Christ when they depart this nasty, sinful world. I simply resolve to make myself easier on the eyes of those who have the privilage of sharing a beer with me. And so we will see how successful this little experiment is.

Anti-Americanismus

2006-01-13T20:22:00.000+01:00

Heh, yes very amusing. But note that people only do things like this because we're the most important country in the world. After all, no one does a 'Czech view of the world' or Korean or Canadian, 'cause no one gives a shit what the Czechs or the Canadians think of the world. UPDATE: And Americans know that Ireland isn't part of Her Royal Majesty's Realm. After all, 30 percent of americans are descended from those red-headed, patato-eating Papists.

Oops

2006-01-13T19:42:00.000+01:00

This picture is of a Texas touchdown. Can you identify the problem? (thanks, Kyle)

Abusing the american legan system.

2006-01-12T21:21:00.000+01:00

This woman should be ashamed of herself.

Rich countries and crappy countries

2006-01-12T21:05:00.000+01:00

My worthless co-blogger, Kyle, asked me once (maybe - or i could be making this up) why several countries in Africa are so damn poor when they have so much wealth. The short answer: they suck. The longer answer can be found here.

2006 or bust

2006-01-12T20:38:00.000+01:00

Holy crap, I completely forgot about this whole ‘blog’ thing. But now’s about the right time to end my little ‘vacation of the mind’ and return back to doing something productive and difficult, like making fun of Michael Jackson. What can you expect of your intrepid pseudo-reporter during his ambitious 2006? Well, I’ll drink some beer, which I’ll be sure to document in mind-numbing detail. I’ll probably find some funny article about how drinking is good for your fingernails, then pontificate for a good six paragraphs about how vegans suck. Travel to some small Czech town isn’t out of the question, so expect pictures of cute little mitteleuropan churches and festivals. I’ll get pissed off about some political regulation and angrily denounce Moldovan national farm policy, making little sense to myself and even less to my general readership. But my primary goal is to find interesting things in my life to write about. For example: today I woke up, went to the gym, worked, and soon I’ll go home. That’s boring as all hell. I’m sure something interesting happened today, but I’ve completely forgotten it, because my primary goal is to ignore everything and hurry home so I can read my book and get 10 hours of sleep. This is bad, though – I should document the weird peculiarities that I encounter during my time on this Earth. So this will be my mission during 2006. And for all those who have complained about the lack of blogging: sorry. If you have complained about the lack of blogging and don’t have your own blog: screw you, you lazy bastard(s). It’s 2006 – get a blog. And shave off that mullet…and no more flannel shirts. Oh and my prediction for 2006? bald and bearded...remember that.

It Finally Happened

2006-01-05T22:29:00.000+01:00

First National Championship in 35 years. Greatest game of all time.

irony

2005-12-26T18:02:00.000+01:00

It's a beautiful, sunny day in Austin Texas - 77 degrees, not a cloud in the sky... and i'm sitting in my old bedroom watching a television program about backpackers going through prague. mostly i just liked watching them drink beer at U Sadu, a pub about 5 minutes from my apartment.

illegal or not?

2005-12-23T13:07:00.000+01:00

I loved napster. I thought it was but a dream when I first heard about it - and then I spent the next two months downloading every song I had ever loved. I almost failed calculus because of that (just kidding mom, I almost failed calculus 'cause I was a moron. But I did well in calculus 2. so there.) This seems like the right stance to me: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory?id=1433670&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312. Headline: "French Lawmakers Endorse File-Sharing". My natural reaction here is to say 'Well, if the french are for it then I must be against it. But here's an interesting quote: "The actors' and musicians' branch of France's largest trade union, the CFDT, said the plan "would mean the death of our country's music and audiovisual industries." Well, if French Unions are against it, then i'm definitely in favor. French unions are the equivalent of my kryptonite: speak only french, have no desire to work, are communists in all but name, hate americans and western civilization and so forth. They can all go to hell or Algeria or somewhere where they aren't bothering good hardworking people. As for this story, the reason lawmakers went against legislation was this: "Under the original proposals, those caught pirating copy-protected material would have faced $360,000 in fines and up to three years in jail." Why? For downloading a copy of the Black Eyed Peas "My Humps"? Really, well perhaps the lawmakers didn't like the fact that they would be sending their children and their parents (all those Sinatra lovers over there) to jail so some media-whore rapper could buy a bigger crack rock. I'm with you there, Jaques. Vive La Revolution or something like that in French. Joyoux Noel

Austin

2005-12-23T03:01:00.000+01:00

I've safely made it to Austin, Texas. No thanks to the airport known as Charles de Gaulle. What a piece of garbage - that place was a giant parking lot scattered with terminals. there were highways running across the runways, people wandering everywhere, and traffic jams on the 'dedicated' bus lines. i'm lucky i didn't miss my flight. but no matter, i'm here. i've been ordered to hang around with family for the next three days, so if you want to do something you'll have to secretly call over to my parents house while everyone else is out shopping and i'm watching HBO. Although considering my parents read the blog that's kinda useless. hmmmm...

My Favorite Pubs

2005-12-16T17:37:00.000+01:00

New Orleans: Jean L’Effite’s - I hope it's still there Prague: U Rudolfinum - Good Pilsner Munich: Augustiner Beerhall - Because of the wonderful cheese and pretzels Plzen: Pilsner Urquell Brewery - Better Pilsner Bratislava: Slovak Pub - Generic name, good times. Houston: There's nothing to like about Houston Vienna: Centimeter - For the giant plate of schnitzel Austin: The Draughthouse - 88 beers isn't enough for me Prague: Juve - Because this is where I wasted my semester abroad. Austin: The Crown and Anchor - Because time spent at the pub with beer and friends is never wasted For all inquiring minds: I'll be in Austin from the afternoon of the 22nd, leaving the 3rd of January. I'll be without wheels, as I am no longer covered on my parents car insurance, so if you wish to hang around with this insufferable eurotrash you'll have to give him a ride.

Logic Gap

2005-12-09T20:55:00.000+01:00

While waiting for the World Cup draw, i managed to come across this bizzare logic gap...

A message from Stephen Conwill

2005-12-09T19:53:00.000+01:00

Hey, I managed to scan a couple of pictures of my wife to be and attached them. Id appriciate if you didnt post them on your blog though Nick. I cant wait to get home... By the way here's my mailing address if you want to send me some porn or food or money. -Steve

Another cryptic and weird message from lil'steve. I especially enjoy how he sends pictures of his wife, then asks if I can send him some porn or money in Kosovo. Good luck with that, lil'Steve. Furthermore, this is the third email referencing his future wife. This time he even included pictures. And yet I know nothing about her - how they met, what she does. Hell, he's never even mentioned her name. Lil'Steve's blog can now be found along the bar to the right. Although considering the information contained in his previous emails, it's going to be a tremendous souce of unintentional comedy. Cheers, lil'steve, and good luck in the Balkans. Note: I removed Steve's mailing address, as that could get him in trouble, per the comment below.

Christmas Inebriation

2005-12-08T21:32:00.000+01:00

Every year I come up with a Christmas party manifesto that I repeat time after time to anxious young coworkers. It goes something like this: 1) Don’t discuss work with management 2) Don’t sleep with the girl from the team upstairs 3) Take advantage of the free beer, but don’t get drunk until the afterparty, thereby avoiding any inebriated antics displayed in front of management. And every year I ignore this, and get extremely trashed and spend the next day dazedly discussing the previous night’s events. Perhaps the most dangerous place to have a company party is at the karaoke bar. The combination of alcohol and pop singing can actually only lead to embarrassing events – it’s not possible to remain respectable. Last night’s events took place at club Meloun, a slightly posh cellar bar with a gigantic karaoke stage and dance floor. There was catering and free beer, a combination that I can never disagree with. When we arrived there was an array of breads and salad laid out on a table, at the end of which I inquired upon the whereabouts of the meat dishes. The general response was that ‘this is it’. I disappointedly grabbed a beer and took a seat at a table of 8 guys (my talent at these kind of parties is constantly finding myself with all the guys who are going to drink 10 beers and then rub each others heads and tell fart jokes and generally male-bond. The Portugeese guys ignore this and head for the female tables like heat-seeking missiles. Those guys are like the anti-nick.) After we had taken a seat, a rumour reached my ears that there was meat being served somewhere. I investigated, and came back to the table with a big pile of rice and goulash. Everyone stared at me, and then eight guys rose in conjunction and ran for the food. The vegetarian crap was discarded on the way. The drinking began in earnest after that. There was the slightly awkward moment when one guy got up to do the first song. He wasn’t drunk enough to have fun with the song, and actually tried to sing his way through an eighties power ballad. We weren’t drunk enough to enjoy it yet, and just tried to avoid catching the gaze of anyone else so we wouldn’t start convulsing with laughter. But soon enough I was on stage yelling my way through ‘Strangers in the Night’ while the dance floor emptied. I to have skill…. My roommate was like a kid in a candy store. As a single French man he has few problems attracting women. I often find myself directing him to the best available, and blocking those who think they can take advantage of the drunken surrender monkey. I usually interrupt these intimate conversations by loudly barking at the Frenchman in guttural tones, smiling, laughing, toasting, sometimes spilling beer on the girl, and generally ruining the mood. And no one can ruin the mood like a loud, drunk, uncoordinated nick. Luckily the Frenchman appreciates this, and shows his gratitude by giving me even more to drink. At one point we were on stage to sing something, and because we had a beer in both hands we found ourselves unable to hold the microphone. Good times. There was definitely a lot more sexual tension on the dance floor. Around 2am everyone moseyed up to the girl sitting at the next table over and found themselves swaying to a Slovak guy singing an off-key rendition of Robbie Williams’ ‘Angels’. I discovered, to my surprise, that I had managed to dance with 6 girls, as well as my 6’4’’ German boss. Luckily I seem to have managed to avoid saying anything too awful, and everyone last night seemed to have enjoyed me. I adopted the George Costanza method of conversation last night. I would jump from table to table, joining in whatever conversation was going on. Eventually I would tell a joke that would cause much hysterics, as I often do. At that point I would get up without saying anything else and walk over to the next table. This way everyone has the impression that I’m the funniest man in the room. And I avoid getting too comfortable and making that unfunny joke that leaves people shaking their heads in shame for me. The party started at 6:30 or so, and I left around 3am. The free beer stopped at some point, and I’m afraid to look into my wallet. I woke up around 12 today and promply found myself researching what I had eaten the night before as I put it into the toilet with gusto. I managed to come to work late, even though I start at 2 in the afternoon. This caused general laughter in my area of the office. I blew out my voice trying to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, and found my voice in a gravelly state of hangover. By the way, Bohemian Rhapsody is completely unsingable. I just screamed the words out loudly and found that I couldn’t talk afterwards. Whatever, fine with me.

Bratislava Blues

2005-12-06T21:37:00.000+01:00

My apologies for the lack of blogging. But I’m extremely lazy. Anyway, I spent the weekend in Moravia and Slovakia, as promised. Jana’s mother taught me how to cook goulash, which I will unleash upon my family once I reach the shores of the motherland. I also had the strange experience of watching the ESPN website during the Texas-CU game in Moravia. I’m absolutely sure I was the only person in the whole province that cared what was happening. Nonetheless I was overjoyed with the non-choke of UT (compared with the other two big 12 championship games I attended). 70-3 is a stupendous ass-kicking, but I absolutely could not watch it in person due to my extreme sensitivity. After the goulash and small Czech town, I headed for the small Slovak capital of Bratislava. The city is always portrayed as a piece of crap in travel writing and movies, but it’s actually a nice, cute little town. Like a mini-prague. The historical center is tiny but beautiful, with several nice churches and a number of palaces and baroque buildings. The best part is that it is all a pedestrian zone, so you can walk around the whole thing without worrying about cars. I can’t overstate how great that is. Besides that, there are some cool cafes – very Vienna influenced. And there are all sorts of humorous statues and joke monuments around the center. We arrived on Sunday evening and immediately headed to the main square, enjoying the hot wine in the Christmas market. There were a couple thousand people hanging around eating kolbasas, drinking wine and generally enjoying themselves. The unusual thing (compared to Prague, at least) was that everyone seemed to be local – no british stag parties, trashy Italian schoolkids, or arab women in blankets scaring the children. Just local Slovaks enjoying their Town Square, Christmas market, and hot wine. Prague, on the other hand, has become a sort of Disneyland – downtown is only tourists, businesses consist of brothels and money changers. I don’t know what people should do, I have no solution, but I definitely appreciate that some cities are doing much better. My reason for being in Bratislava might be familiar – my work visa! Such a Kafka-esque bureaucratic nightmare can only be expressed as ‘complete bullshit’, which is more-or-less what I told the Czech woman working at the embassy. She didn’t take it kindly. I had to show up there at 8am in order to get in line. The odd thing about this is that the Czech embassy in Bratislava is right next to the American embassy. There was a line in front of the American embassy consisting of Slovaks trying to get to America…and there was a line in front of the Czech embassy consisting of Americans trying to get into the CR. Just a strange juxtaposition. I battled my way to the front of the line and found myself at a window with a faceless bureaucrat. She had a face, but no initiative or creativity, therefore I consider her an automaton – a useless holdover from the communist era where the purpose of government ‘services’ was not to serve but to convince people to stay away from the government. This woman took a look at my application and said the following: 1) I need a third picture of you (because 2 couldn’t possibly be enough Nick) 2) Your application might get rejected because some of your documents say “Nicholas Moles” instead of your full name, ‘Nicholas Ian Moles’ 3) I need more copies of your entire application. Go get copies and come back later. After this I was practically shoved out the door and forced to wander the early morning streets of Bratislava in search of the post-communist equivalent of Kinko’s. Amazingly enough I found one, cheap, with stupefyingly awesome service. Your typical Kinkos is manned by an indifferent college student who views your failures at the copy machine with scorn and derision. Inside the Slovak copy I was met by a hot young woman who happily took my pile, copied everything, then charged about 6 dollars for 40 copies. And she smiled. Amazing. Back to the bureaucracy I went. The bitchy bureaucrat suddenly changed her attitude, asking me about the weather outside. I said it was cold. This led to the following exchange: Her: You must be used to the cold weather now. Me: Not really, I’m from Texas and probably will never be used to it. Her: But you’re from Maryland, it says so here on your passport Me: That’s where I was born. I later moved to Texas. Her: (Incomprehension) Me: (Astonishment) The conversation ended after that. She stamped my papers about 8 times, signed them, then directed me to the other window for my short term visa. This is where the fun began. A quick history of my visa: 1) I had a long-term working visa. This ran out in September. My renewal was rejected due to a small technicality on my housing paper. 2) I got a short-term visa in Dresden. This covers me for 3 months. 3) I need a long-term visa from Bratislava, valid for a year. I also need a short-term visa that will cover me during the 6 weeks it takes them to process the long-term visa. I moved to the short term visa window. An even older bureaucrat met me. She immediately told me that there was no such thing as a short-term work visa. I said there was, and that I have two. She rushed to meet her younger automatoncolleague, and they spoke together in their bureauczech. They both came over to me: (and I paraphrase) Younger: You can’t get a short-term work visa Me: But I have a work permit and all my papers are in order Younger: You already have 4 short-term visas. You can’t have another Me: I only have two. I need a visa to work Older: It looks suspicious that you want so many short-term visas Me: Why does it look suspicious? I have a work permit meaning I can legally work in your country. Younger: You should apply for the long-term visa. Me: I just did that. I turned it into you and you stamped it 8 times. Younger: Then that’s okay. Just wait for that. Me: I can’t. My short-term visa expires at the end of the month. The long term visa will take six weeks. I need something in between so that I can legally work! Younger: Don’t get angry with me. You should know the law Me: But I have all the legal documents in order to get the visa. You just want me to stop working for 6 weeks while I wait for you to issue the visa? Her: Yes Me: But I just want to work! I have all the legal documents Younger and Older: (Stare at me with disgust) Older: I will call our vice-consul. Please wait. At this point I SMS my girlfriend (who is awesome, by the way) and ask her to call the HR woman at my office and have her call me (my stupid phone not allowing me to make calls in Slovakistan.) She calls me and asks me how things are going. At this point the older bureaucrat starts yelling at me and shaking her finger and pointing at a sign that says ‘no mobile phones’. I stare at her while I continue talking on the phone, describing to HR my problem. I take a seat and wait. About ten minutes later the older woman politely calls me over, smiling, and says that they’ll process my visa. I am confused. I call HR and she tells me that she called the agency handing my visa (yes, it’s so bad that they hired an agency for me). The agency called the Czech foreign police, who in turn called the embassy and told them they had to do it. I am simply amazed by the complete nonsense of this. Everyone was having this trouble too. I kept seeing the same people running in and out of the consulate with new stamps, copies, and much anger and confusion. But I didn’t care – I was done, and I walked out into the pleasant, dreary drizzle of a mitteleuropan autumn.

This sucks

2005-12-01T19:36:00.000+01:00

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German man drank too much, wet his bed and set fire to his apartment while trying to dry his bedding, police in the western town of Muelheim said Monday. "He was too drunk to go to the toilet," said a police spokesman. "The next morning he put a switched-on hairdryer on the bed to dry it and left the apartment." When the 60-year-old returned, his home and belongings were in flames. Firemen eventually put out the blaze.

Thanks for the link, Kyle.

Crap! I'm using british spelling.

2005-11-27T19:25:00.000+01:00

Ben and Michele noticed that I have indeed been using British spelling. Surprisingly enough, this isn't because I'm living in Europe. In actuality, the blame lies solely with that damn English rag, The Economist. "Favourite, Colour, Labour, bloody hell, and lots of other things that I can't pronounce". There are several British guys in my office that may be from England but absolutely DO NOT speak the English language. They put together a string of words that I can almost understand, but the sentences make no sense, and they guffaw at every other phrase. idiots. I understand my cheese-eating surrender monkey roommate better than them. Speaking of the surrender monkey, I've put together a bet with him that will enrich me soon enough. That chain-smoking bastard got too drunk last night and bet that he could give up smoking for a week. I bet him I could give up beer and television. The loser has to cough up 2000 crowns ($80 bucks or so). I'm confident I'll be buying beer with his blood-money for a good week or so.

The earth is an oval

2005-11-27T19:19:00.000+01:00

The priest was discussing the advent wreath today in mass. He said something like this (and I paraphrase)... "The four advent candles represent the 4000 years of history during which mankind was waiting for the messiah. Of course, these days we know that the earth is more than 5000 years old, even if some people don't want to believe it (chuckle)." Pat Robertson probably would have had a noxious gas emission had he heard that.

Vince Young sucked ass on Friday

2005-11-27T19:12:00.000+01:00

Vince Young sucked ass on Friday. Really sucked ass. I was at Jama pub in downtown Prague at 5pm on Friday, early enough that I could reserve the tv and fight off all drunken british guys who wander through. I felt confident that we would beat the shit out of A&M like we do every year. But it's been 5 years since they had won - they were due. But couldn't they just be due NEXT year? Apparently not. After Texas took the early lead (14-0) I started trash talking with the Penn State fan, Alejandro, who was sitting across from me. But soon I was practically hyperventilating and having severe heart palpitations as the aggies came back and eventually took the lead. By the end of the game I felt so bad that I couldn't be consoled by my neighbors, even though we had won. Just an awful, awful game. I was so worked up that I actually developed a fever. Terrible. We have to make it to the Rose Bowl. I wouldn't be able to take it if we lost to Colorado. I was at the big 12 championship game a couple of years ago when we would have gone to the Nat'l Championship game if we just beat them. Of course those retards won and we went to the Holiday bowl or whatever. Well I can't go to the game this year, and I'm not going to watch it either. I just can't take anything else like friday. I'm going to my girlfriend's parents' house and I'm going to learn to cook goulash with dumplings. So there.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T19:17:00.000+01:00

Celebrating Thanksgiving in Eastern Europe is an awkward thing. Should I plan a party and invite a bunch of expats who bring different dishes? Or should I just find a pub with cold beer and turkey breast? I find myself working this Thanksgiving, a somewhat sad if predictable state of affairs. I could have had the day off, but what would I do? My mom told me that, in no uncertain terms, I should not cook a bird, as that would be a predictable disaster. Jana is meeting me at Tulip Café for a round of beers and, hopefully, some Thanksgiving food. It’s an American pub, they have to have the stuff. Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday because of the fact that it’s so unassuming. You don’t go buy presents or decorations – you just bring a round hat made out of construction paper in third grade and stick a feather on your neighbour. The three most important aspects of the holiday are food, family and football. This is the main reason I love it – I sleep until noon then walk into the kitchen and find three women cooking a giant bird. I get a beer, join my dad on the sofa for the NFL pregame show, and wait for the eating. We’re served at three, at a table festooned with nice silverware and cloth napkins. As soon as I’ve had three platefuls of food I avoid conversation and retire to the couch for 4-6 hours of football viewing. Then, of course, are the turkey sandwiches, probably my favourite food of all. Two of those for dinner and I’ll sleep for the 12 hours it takes to prepare for the A&M game on Friday. Perhaps next year I’ll be less lazy and actually put something together for the holiday. But this year isn’t so bad- beer, turkey, girlfriend, pub…and tomorrow I will get to watch the Texas-Texas A&M game. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Vince Young is awesome

2005-11-24T19:14:00.000+01:00

In honor of tomorrows impending destruction of the Aggies, I thought I might post a bit of an article that Kyle sent me:

"Even if this team wins it all, the whole deal, in my mind it won't be the best Longhorn team of all time," Jenkins said in a recent e-mail. "That's because this team is led by an alien, not a human, and its biggest threat is a busted play where the alien goes back to pass, can't find a receiver, then runs over everybody for a touchdown. If Vince Young carried the ball on every play, Texas would win games 85-0. But that's not a team, it's a group of undistinguished guys led by a monster from outer space."

Lil'Steve gets a little love...

2005-11-24T18:40:00.000+01:00

So lil'Steve sent me this email the other day. He's about to be deployed in the peacekeeping mission in Kosovo.

No...no HD-TV, which is bull*$"#!. But yea me and the other 3 guys in my hut are gonna split the cost for satellite internet, which will be like 80 bucks a month total, but really high bandwidth. The service they provide us there is like 52k. Theres a nice gym with all kinds of workout s&#$, and a pretty good chow hall. So i'll be eating alot and working out alot. Hohenfels sucks big donkey balls, but especially where my Task Force is going to stay. It started snowing the minute we got here and the f*$&ing mud gets everywhere. I get to spend thanks giving in Nurnburg which is cool, but besides that i wont really get to see anymore of germany. I cant wait to get to Kosovo. The sooner we get there the sooner we get to come home. By the way im getting married when i get back, probably in march or something. When i get to Kosovo i'll send you a picture of her. I am one lucky sonofb*$&h. Crazy huh... Anyway, im not sure the next time ill be able to get online so if anything i'll contact you in about 3 and half weeks. I had a blog but i guess it got hut down due to inactivity. Maybe i'll start a new one when i get to where im going. Have a goog thanks giving and Gig 'Em. -Lil' Steve

ummm...Hey Steve, I don't give a crap about your tv-viewing situation in Kosovo, nor the weather outside your tent. But there was a bit of information in there that you could expand upon...

Wintertime is here again...

2005-11-20T17:55:00.000+01:00

IMG_2584
Originally uploaded by nickmoles.

Friday night was a pleasantly hazy conglomeration of loud conversation and copious booze. Matthieu and I went to Meduzza, a psuedo 20's intellectual salon, known for comfy chairs and cheap italian barrel wine. We chatted for a bit, then argued with the welshmen at the next table whether or not removing the pads from american football players would be safe (short answer: no. but they were morons and don't have giant black guys in Wales).

Afterward we walked back throug the neighborhood to Pizzeria Roma, which is conveniently open 24 hours a day. We had 3 pizzas between the two of us, as well as a couple of beers. As we left I exited earlier than matthieu (who was fiddiling with his clothing - the guy wears like 6 layers of scarves, shirts, and hats) and noticed there was a blizzard outside. i was drunk and hoped that if i ignored it the snow would stop, so i yelled at matthieu to sit back down and not to look out the window.

nonetheless we trudged through the stuff, and I managed to take this cool picture from my window. I miss the beergardens, but their time will come again.

News stories that entertained me today

2005-11-18T19:06:00.000+01:00

While surfing today, I came across these gems: 1) I spoke yesterday about the stupidity of 'Intelligent Design'. Now more Vatican guys are coming out in support of my position:

The Vatican's chief astronomer said Friday that "intelligent design" isn't science and doesn't belong in science classrooms, the latest high-ranking Roman Catholic official to enter the evolution debate in the United States. The Rev. George Coyne, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said placing intelligent design theory alongside that of evolution in school programs was "wrong" and was akin to mixing apples with oranges. "Intelligent design isn't science even though it pretends to be," the ANSA news agency quoted Coyne as saying on the sidelines of a conference in Florence. "If you want to teach it in schools, intelligent design should be taught when religion or cultural history is taught, not science."

2) I came across this great story today:

GROWING numbers of migratory birds are too lazy to fly all the way to Africa for the winter and are staying in Britain.

I like how this writier is making a value judgement about the birds. They're 'lazy' just because they're not going to africa anymore. Maybe a mix of global warming/drought in afrika/addiction to beavis and butthead reruns are the cause? No, no, it's just that today's birds have been pampered too much and can't make the effort to get down to the Congo like their hard-working parents did. 3) I had to post this: Drunken elks attack old people's home My favorite quote:

There have been previous problems with elks: a female elk recently attacked three joggers in Norway. Last year another elk in Sweden stole a bicycle from a garden, which it regularly visited to eat the roses. An elderly couple had used the bike to fence off their garden; the elk disappeared with the bike hanging round its neck. The bike was later found bent and damaged beyond repair.

This just proves that we really aren't that far away from our animal friends. Or at least I'm not. 4) The headline:"Pub Has its Own Nursing Home...."

A nursing home in Ireland has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients -- by providing its own pub. St Mary's Hospital in County Monaghan, near the Irish border with Northern Ireland, believes ready access to a good pint may help its patients -- average age 85 -- actually live longer.

Yes! A czech person was just telling me today how plum brandy is very good for me...but all czechs say that about all czech food/alcohol. They think a night at the pub is the equivalent of a vitamin shot and a marathon. 5) News on the balding front. Important information for people such as myself. 6) The cultural impact of beavis and butthead. My favorite quote:

To truly appreciate Beavis and Butt-head, you have to watch from a similar place, a Zen rock garden of peaceful imbecility. There's an almost Beckett-like purity to the tedium of Beavis and Butt-head's serenely empty lives; in one short, "Killing Time," the boys wait out the two hours until something good comes on TV by staring at the gas meter outside Butt-head's house. "Time sucks," Butt-head finally observes. Beavis' response: a chuckle, then silence.

Just reading that made me laugh.

Dirty Dogg

2005-11-16T20:56:00.000+01:00

Hot dogs are already the confection most famous for containing things unnamed and unmentionable. How bad is this...

Snoop has proven he can spread himself thin and still win. But like comic book superheroes, super rapper Snoop has a sidekick to help him out: his entrepreneurial 26-year-old brother, Bing Worthington. Together, their endeavors include Snoop Dogg Clothing, Cadillac Snoop DeVilles, Snoop Dogg skateboards and now, foot-long frankfurters. You guessed it: Snoop Doggs.

Umm...I'm just gonna take a guess here and say that, after 15 years in the rap business, snoop's 'dogs' ain't the most clean and hygenic thing on the market.

“There aren’t any celebrity hot dogs out there,” he said. “Who’s the competition? Ball Park?”

This man knows nothing about the hot dog business. Everyone knows the Jews have the best rolled meat. Hebrew National is king - best damn hot dogs in existence. I won't touch a hot dog unless it's been blessed by a rabbi. Biatch.

1 year of nonsense

2005-11-16T19:39:00.000+01:00

If anyone noticed, today is my first Blogiversary. I have completely failed in my initial hope of creating a ‘politically balanced and insightful commentary on the dangers and advantages of outsourcing’. Instead you get ham-handed attempts at writing about Prague, links to obviously stupid news stories, and Michal Jackson jokes. I feel like there are a number of reasons for these failures: My command of the English language: Definitely falling. Remember: I spend a significant portion of my day with people who can’t pronounce the letter ‘W’. Immaturity: The other night I got home from work and watched the 11pm ‘Beavis and Butthead. This is the exact same thing I did when I was 13. Some things really don’t change. Slang: Disconnected from the American slacker homeland, I’ve acquired a weird old-timey twang. And I don’t use the word ‘crunk.’ Work: I spend all day using logic to figure out financial problems*. This doesn’t exactly get the creative juices flowing, and makes everything I write sound like a book report. *Please note this sentence is 100% false. Nonetheless I appreciate everyone taking the time out of his or her busy days and reading my web ramblings. Hopefully I’ll improve, probably I’ll just keep writing the same old crap. If you’re happy with that, keep coming back!

Why being a Catholic is better

2005-11-16T16:19:00.000+01:00

Pat Robertson V. The Pope:

Pat Robertson told the people of Dover, Pa., that God would punish them for ousting advocates of intelligent design from their school board. "If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God. You just rejected Him from your city," Robertson said, adding, "And don't wonder why He hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin." Meanwhile, the pope declared that the universe is an "intelligent project" created by divine love. Advocates of ID hailed his remarks as an endorsement.

More here. I think Intelligent Design is stupid. Luckily the Cathlic Church broadly endorses evolution, although every once in a while they say something kooky like the above. Don't get me wrong. The catholic church has been reactionary on every subject, and pretty medieval on everything throughout history (Although they were quite comfortable during the actual 'Medieval' period. Of course they ruled most of europe then. Question: were the cathlics progressive before the year 1000?). But sometime after WWII they accepted the enlightenment and now during mass we sing about a loving God to cheesy guitar music instead of hearing about fire and brimstone and eternal hell for those who look at the uncovered ankles of their shy female schoolmate. So the Pope is generally friendly now (except to gays. and sometimes jews. And occasionally tasteless american prime-time cartoon shows). Osama Bin Laden wants to live in a cave and worship like his religious forefathers did 1400 years ago. If a man wants to live in a cave with only a goat and a rifle for companionship I don't ask questions. More power to him, but occasionally he wants to come out of his cave and commit genocide against myself and people who worship a slightly different variant of the same God. That's where I take issue. Pat Robertson is somewhere in between. Not destined for a cold corner in Hell where he'll spend eternity the victim of the aforementioned goat's unpleasant vengeance, like Osama. No, Pat is just mind-bogglingly stupid. He doesn't want to turn the clock back 1400 years, he just wants to go back to some fake ideal of American piety and propriety that didn't actually exist back in the 1950s. And, after all, his power as a televangelist would be pretty diminished if we were all living in caves. So: Return to simple life, ability to kill all those you disagree with, women as slaves, omnipotent and unquestioned God...wow, all these things sound unsurprisingly like the lifestyles of our primate grandparents. I would love to point out the irony of this to my pal Osama, but he's got a gun and he's been alone with that goat for a looooonng time...

Vampires and Zombies and Aggies

2005-11-16T14:24:00.000+01:00

I had a nightmare last night. I was sitting in my parents’ house when I suddenly remembered the Texas-Texas A&M game was on. I turned on the TV and discovered the game was halfway through the 3rd quarter, score tied at 27. My dad then came in and said we had to go blow up some wooden ship that was attached to the car. I frantically tried to find the game on the car radio, but couldn’t get a signal while we burned down the tall ship. The dream ended with me in a bathroom stall, dealing with some sort of intergalactic visitor in my belly, and yelling at the people in the bathroom to tell me score. Then I woke up and remembered the game isn’t until next week. It took me several minutes to calm down and go back to sleep.

But is it Europe?

2005-11-15T20:31:00.000+01:00

I haven’t written much about Turkey, mostly because it was such a confusing place. I really liked some of Istanbul, and I really hated some of it. Nonetheless I’m extremely happy I went. Oh, and if you haven’t heard it yet, my round trip flight + 3 nights at a 3 star hotel was only 200 dollars. Whenever something on the trip sucked, Jana and I would just say ‘but at least it was cheap.’ What I liked: History: Istanbul is covered in crap – old churches, mosques, forts, buildings, and megalomaniacal monuments to various conquers, shamans, and wannabes. I didn’t manage to see everything I wanted to in the course of 4 days. The city wasn’t nearly as cool as Rome, but history-obsessed Nick still enjoyed it. Europe: Istanbul is pretty European. I was there during a holiday weekend, so some of the people weren’t Istanbulis, and that was sometimes strange (see below). But in old Pera above the old town I couldn’t help but think I was in the middle of some Eurostan hotspot. Bars, cool cafes, designer clothes, teenagers making out, what is more eurotrash than that? The Bosphorous: This is the strait that leads from the Black Sea to the Mediterranean, and Istanbul is built around the thing. It’s strategically obvious: from here you control all shipping traffic to the ports of Bulgaria, Romania, Ukraine, Russia, and some of those Shitistans. I had the chance to take the tourist ferry up the strait, and hike up to and old Byzantine fort on the top. It was probably my favorite part of the trip. The food: The Turks kick ass on this front. I absolutely loved it. The beer: Turkey is my kind of Muslim country. I could buy beer anywhere I went. And everyone seemed to be taking advantage of this little sin. What I didn’t like: Big-City People: Too many people. And they had absolutely no problem walking up to you and trying to get you to come into their restaurant or carpet shop. I heard a couple people say nasty things as we walked away, but I guess that’s the way it is in the big city. The call to prayer: This wasn’t so bad in principle – I understand different religions have their own ways of doing things. My objection is thus: when those guys get on the loudspeaker and sing their prayers, they do it on an eastern musical scale. This means they won’t resolve the chord like we do, and instead hit some note a half step below the triad. It made my teeth hurt. That and they do the damn thing at 5:30 in the morning over loudspeakers that pointed directly into my hotel room. The hotel: 3-star my ass. The place was a piece of crap. But at least it had a toilet The toilets: Turkish toilets scared the hell out of me. They’re mostly just a hole in the ground. Not a big hole, so I wasn’t afraid of falling in. But there wasn’t any toilet paper, and they had a bucket of water next to the thing, and I had no idea what to do with the bucket of water. There didn’t seem to be any device for soaking up the water once used. Luckily I managed to avoid the Sultan’s Revenge, and I was always aware of the location of the nearest McDonalds. The flight: We were delayed 4 hours on the way over. We flew a Turkish airline called ‘Freebird’ that literally had the worst food I could possibly imagine. Inedible cheese pasta – I could vomit up something tastier than that. On the way back our flight was delayed again for another 4 hours, and we flew an airline called ‘Travel Service’, which was owned by the ‘Unicom Group’. A ‘Place Airline Name Here’ company, owned by a vaguely menacing low-level mob money-laundering operation it may have been, but the flight was surprisingly pleasant. Religious people: There were several people around who I wouldn’t be willing to get on an airplane with. My friend Michal, who lived in Izmir for 9 months, told me that the conservative people from the boonies come into town during holiday weekends, and that you rarely see people in religious garb in most Turkish cities. We were there for the end of Eid, which would explain that. The weather: for some reason Istanbul was colder than Prague. The sun came out for a total of 30 minutes the whole trip. Hazy, wet and cold – Not exactly most peoples idea of a Turkish holiday. The verdict: I enjoyed it. I’d like to go back next year, but I’ll probably check out something other than Istanbul. Check out the Istanbul slideshow here.

Istanbul!

2005-11-14T23:53:00.000+01:00

The photos are on the photoblog: www.nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com

My name is Stavropot

2005-11-09T19:09:00.000+01:00

Name days are one of the odder celebrations your noble correspondent has encountered in the Czech Republic. Every day has a particular ‘name’, usually the celebration of a Saint’s feast day. For example – Dec 6th is Mikulas, as it’s St. Nicholas’ feast day. On that day, oddly enough, I’m expected to hand out candies to my co-workers, while they congratulate me on having been given a name at birth. It’s undeniably awkward, giving candy to people I barely know while they fake a smile and are secretly simmering with hatred at this uncoordinated American lout who eats all the cookies in the break room. So today’s nameday schedule looked like this: NAMEDAYS Today: Bohdan Tomorrow: Evžen Prompting this exchange: Me (in email) - What the hell!?!?!?1 Jana - What? Me - Those aren't names. Matthieu - Evžen is Eugene in Czech… I agree, I don’t like the Czech translation… Jana - They are – Evžen – slavný lovec žen (for non czech speakers: Evzen, famous hunter of women) Me - Evžen Moles - My first son. Evžen Constantine Moles - Even better. Evžen Constantine Moles the Third - Just for the hell of it. Incidentally, I think i'll have another keg party on my name day. I'm going to send out elaborate invitations and confuse people into thinking I have no idea what the nameday is. That way I can pretend to be disappointed when they don't bring gifts or get angry and berate them for not wearing furry monkey suits. Lots of opportunity for mischief...

What's up

2005-11-07T20:03:00.000+01:00

Wow, my blogging has taken a significant nosedive. But that can be explained: i've been in istanbul eating roasted lamb and dodging waddling turkish women who had no problem grabbing and shoving me out of their way. But the city was cool, lots of history and beer. And there isn't much I love more than history and beer, except the history of beer. prefereably in liquid form. I haven't posted the istanbul pictues yet, but you can see pictures from the Czech Switzerland below. What the hell is the czech switzerland, you may ask? it's a natural park discovered by a pair of swiss travellers. Nice rocks, leaves, and the weather there was probably the warmest it'll be until may, when the beer gardens reopen in triumphal glory. http://nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com/slideshow.php?set_albumName=album04 the best thing about the park: it's about an hour and a half away. amazing! oh, and i just want to prepare everyone: i'm bearded, fat, balding, and losing my ability to speak the english language. I actually do all my communication in gorrila sign language in exchange for old bananas. just a warning.

Dresden!

2005-11-01T16:34:00.000+01:00

I put together a slideshow from my trip to Dresden. http://nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com/albums.php

I hate the foreign police

2005-10-28T16:44:00.000+02:00

So my visa renewal was rejected by the menace known as the ‘Czech Foreign Police’. It was rejected on a technicality relating to my current housing situation, so I’m going to have to ‘leave the country in 30 days’ and get a new visa somewhere else. The Czech foreign police are somewhere between petty criminals and evil stepmothers on the short list to run the IRS in Hell. First of all, considering they deal ONLY WITH FOREIGNERS, you would assume they would speak a foreign language, especially English. When my friend Brett went there to register his new long-term visa, he was told (after asking if the woman spoke English) “No. Learn Fucking Czech.” Everyone here has a horror story of standing in line for two days, crammed between a dirty Chechnian (from females, insert ‘lecherous’) and a noisy Vietnamese family, only to be dismissed offhandedly by some demonic bureaucrat because a particular paper wasn’t notarized in triplicate and signed by George Bush personally. But my story has a fine resolution. I have to take a week off work (during which I will spend 4 days in Istanbul) then go to Dresden on the 7th of November to get a new visa. After which I will walk into the Foreign Police building and slap the receptionist in the face. Gently, not too hard, just so she knows that I have beaten her little system, and that whenever she goes to her troll-like family (or more likely, hairless dog) in the evening she’ll know, and I mean KNOW, that to wake up in the morning is utterly useless disgrace of a life.

More pictures of Autumn

2005-10-24T22:46:00.000+02:00

http://nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com/slideshow.php?set_albumName=album03 Feel free to comment below. Anything resembling 'you're a badass photographer, nick' would be appreciated.

Slavia-Sparta

2005-10-24T21:51:00.000+02:00

Check out the photos here http://nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com/slideshow.php?set_albumName=album02

Pictures

2005-10-22T19:36:00.000+02:00

I don't feel like posting anything today. Go to www.nickmoles.myphotoalbum.com to check out some pictures.

Drink of choice

2005-10-20T19:48:00.000+02:00

Here are a pair of amusing articles. The first details what kind impression it gives a man when a woman drinks one of the following:

Cosmopolitan: A bit trendy, and some guys view it as snobby. Also, it shows someone with expensive taste. So if the guy's paying the bill, steer clear of this one, especially if the date's going badly. He doesn't want to have to take out a loan to buy you drinks.

But here is the much more amusing, detailing the impression men give. here i am!

Beer on tap: Women told me they think a man who orders a beer is reliable, down-to-earth and low-maintenance. But he may put his dog — possibly a Labrador mix named Prince — before them.

Sorry

2005-10-19T11:37:00.000+02:00

My apologies for all the fake comments that keep popping up. I don't know how to get rid of them, and would appreciate any assistance. Hey: If you're bored at work, and want to review the whole religion thing, check this out. Bizzare.

Lonely Planet

2005-10-19T10:29:00.000+02:00

I went to the bookstore by the Andel metro station on Sunday to pick up the Lonely Planet Istanbul. I'm addicted to the LP - I spend most of my tourist minutes in any place walking past gorgeous monuments with my head buried in the damn travel guide. I then get my picture taken next to something cool by a small japanese man and head back to the pub near the hostel. Mission accomplished. While at the bookstore I was absolutely shocked to discover the Lonely Planet Austin, San Antonio & the Hill Country . I buy lonely planets for their historical description of the Vatican, not to go see the SRV statue on Town Lake. Nonetheless, it's great that Austin is in much larger letters than San Antonio on the cover, 'cause everyone knows SA is a shithole. I was pretty tempted to buy this. I always buy the LP whenever I go anywhere, and I'm coming to Austin for Christmas as a 'foreign traveller'. I would be insufferable - we'd be laying around someone's flat, trying to figure out something to do in the evening, and I'd pull out the travel guide, and read the "what to do in Austin" chapter. I could even try to find 'Lakeway' in the 'Excursions outside Austin' chapter, fail, then refuse to go there. I might be disowned. Disowned or not, I'm heading to Istanbul on the 3rd of November. I got this awesome deal: Round-trip direct flight from Prague, 3 nights in a 3 star hotel, all for $215. That's not a misprint. I'm unbelievably excited - I've been wanting to go here forever. My mom might freak a bit, but my friend Michal said it's safe, and they have an ample supply of post-pub doner kebabs, one of my 4 main food groups (besides beer, schnitzel, and yoghurt). This trip also prompted this exchange: Me: "What is a 3 star hotel? I have no idea what that means." Jana: "You know the places where we usually stay? They have no stars."

Girlfriends

2005-10-15T19:21:00.000+02:00

Well said. http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41456

Party!

2005-10-15T18:47:00.000+02:00

DSCN2825
Originally uploaded by nickmoles.

Last night I had my first keg party.

(Well, Kyle and I once had one back in 2003 or something, but we just brought the keg back from a party on a mini-golf course. we didn't even drink the whole thing, leading me to speculate how cool it would be to bathe myself in beer. I chickened out, though, and soon found myself in the strange situation of being ashamed that I hadn't ended up covered in beer)

Matthieu and I decided to do it american-style, with kegs and plastic cups and chips and pizza. We invited about 40 people, which was a hell of a lot, and figured we'd get about 20 (people here are lazy). We picked up a 50L Keg of gambrinus, which is about 100 large czech beers.

The keg was the best I've ever had. I forgot that in the US we usually drink bud light and icehouse at keg parties. This stuff was cold and fresh and incredibly satisfying. In fact, Matthieu and I tapped the thing at about 6pm, and proceeded to get steadily drunk about 2 hours before the party even started.

We both took the day off to clean the damn flat. The term 'bachelor pad' is probably a good description of the place - the fridge is empty of anything except ketchup and mustard, with a lonely bag of frozen peas in the freezer. the sink is permanently full of dirty forks and plates, as we usually just wash one dirty plate and fork if we need it. And the place is damn dusty and covered in candy wrappers and old beer bottles.

But we cleaned the hell outta the thing, and were shocked at the end how good it looked. It stayed that way for about 5 hours until the party started. This morning we woke up and the place was covered in beer cups and wine bottles and empty bags of chips and nuts. Back to normal.

The party itself was a shocking success. Last time we invited 30 people and got 13 or so. This time we invited 40 and got about 30, a significant increase. I think the x-factor in this was that we were offering everyone free beer. Everyone commented on how cool it was that they didn't have to lug their own bottles to the party and watch them mysteriously disappear from the fridge, leaving them sober and dispondent and having to make a beer-run to the filty nonstop around the corner.

The party was also gender balanced, which impressed everyone. Very international as well, in the picture above are a pole, a czech, an irishman, a texan, an englishman, a portugeeseishman (?), and a quebecoisier-bastard. There was also a guy from Wisconsin, which confused everyone.

My mistake was to take shots with the guy from wisconsin. he found my stash of slivovice, the deadly moravian plum-brandy. We ended up dancing at Akropolis at 3am, a situation that I blame entirely on the state of wisconsin and the province of moravia. damn them.

So the keg party was cool. we're going to try to do it again in December, leaving enough time for the little old ladies that live in the apts next to us to stop being so pissed off about the noise. But I do appreciate that they didn't call the cops on us, like your normal czech babushka.

Now I must go and lay down and wait for Sunday, when my hangover should finally go away.

Fridays

2005-10-07T17:54:00.000+02:00

Aaah, Fridays. We’ve spent the last hour here at work trying to throw various markers and tape rolls into the shirt pocket of a colleague. In addition, we’ve changed the background of our colleagues’ computers to a tiled picture of other employees, leading to innuendo of deviant reproductive practices. Fridays at my office are nothing more than an 8-hour planning session for the weekend. My roommate and I are currently planning to have a party next Friday (the 14th), and have been shooting emails to each other on whom we should invite and who should get the cold shoulder. Someone I am not overly friendly with has just sent out invitations to his party – I believe I am not on the list. Bastard! I’ll just come anyway and chat with him like he’s my pal, then spike his drink with rohypnol and write swear words on his forehead with permanent marker. But I digress… There are some attractive new women in the office, so my teammates huddled together to discuss. I accused one colleague of checking out ‘all the new guys’, and laughter ensued. That’ll probably be the highlight of my day.

Trashy British People

2005-10-04T21:09:00.000+02:00

British people are bizzare to me. As americans, we get fed a steady diet of Masterpiece Theater and proper english accents that, once heard, cause involuntary lactation. On the other hand, Britain still manages to have a significant quantity of white trash. Several of the people at my office, while respectable, have totally incomprehensible accents, and definitely don't act like proper british gentlemen. Prague also suffers from roving bangs of british 'stag parties', which are like frat boys who never went to college and repress their latent gay feelings for each other by ill-advisedly spending their cash on the gypsy prostitutes on Wenceslas Square. This article perfectly describes the british white trash, or 'chav':

Mr. Carroll is an object of national fascination in part because of his apparently pathological criminality, and in part because he represents a kind of Briton known as a chav. Chavs, whether rich or poor, tend to favor gaudy jewelry and expensive-but-tacky clothes with big logos and to behave in a way that others find coarse or obnoxious. Male chavs wear tracksuits and baseball caps; female chavs pull their hair tightly back in buns or ponytails, a style known as a "council house facelift," from the term for public housing.

This is a fantastic description of their appearance! But how about for their activities...

Chav behavior - outrageous spending sprees, drunken brawls, inappropriate public displays of affection, screaming matches with loved ones in bars, destruction of property, late-night stumbling and/or vomiting - provide celebrity magazines here with much of their material.

The article itself is about the 'Lotto Lout', a chav that won about 16mil dollars in the lottery. It's hysterical, so check it out. I decided to check the Wikipedia article on Chavs as well. Some highlights -Chavs apparently used to be called 'Yobs'. It doesn't explain why... -They're known for hanging around places called 'chavaramas' -Actually the wikipedia article is hilarious, and I recommend reading it as well. This is just a reminder that no society can escape trashy young people. Every country, no matter what its reputation, creates dumbass kids who harass older people trying to make money or excercise or shop or generally do something other than oogle trashy-looking girls.

Birthday etc...

2005-09-29T20:20:00.000+02:00

I just want to thank everyone for wishing me a happy birthday. Being 25 is a bit weird, but it's not nearly as bad as I thought. For some reason, 25 feels younger than 24. Although that's absolute nonsense... Amanda - I would like to read that book - maybe Christmas? Sarah - dont' be concerned about my wine drinking - I am going to PilsnerFest this weekend, which should speak for itself. Myriah - There is no such thing as 'beer garden hopping'. That goes against the basic essence of the beergarden. Come over and I'll show you how it's done. _____________________ I came across this article yesterday, talking about new Syracuse Quarterbacks Coach Major Applewhite. For some reason that made me nostalgic, as that quarterback controversy between Simms and Applewhite was a significant feature of my college years. But I love this paragraph:

College football fans could never escape the seemingly endless quarterback controversy in Austin, Texas - which began during Applewhite's junior year when he and Simms split time - and can't even escape today. During ESPN2's telecast of the Syracuse-Virginia game Saturday, cameras continually zoomed in on the former Texas star, prompting color commentator David Norrie to endorse Applewhite for a competition four years dead.

We didn't win a national championship, but had the greatest quarterback controversey in recorded history. I'll walk into a bar in 30 years and people will still be arguing about it. That'll bring me back... And i'll be that old guy that breaks into the conversation spouting nonsense, bringing up stats and talking about 'intangibles' as the guys stare at each other in amazement and confusion. Those crazy old guys suck.